How To Not Completely Embarrass Yourself At The Office Holiday Party

These magical weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas bring about one of the most amazing events the year has to offer: the office holiday party. Not only are these yearly occurrences an amazing study in social behavior, they’re also one of the only times we see people like John from accounting and Sarah from operations actually cut loose – not to mention what happens when the legal department starts throwing a few back, and at that point the word compliance takes on a whole new meaning. It’s the one time of year when everyone’s social anxieties seem to disappear, and if you’re lucky, Tom will tell you what he really thinks of Bill.

But the holiday party is also a time for getting that nickname that will stick with you for the next year, or until you start printing out resumes, and that’s one of the tamer things that could result from a night of drunken revelry with coworkers with whom you aren’t actually friends – there’s a reason most people can’t wait for the weekend. So here’s how to avoid becoming known as “lightweight Larry,” or getting fired.

First, pick a drink and stick with it. One of the worst things you can do for yourself, and your stomach, is mix a ton of different kinds of booze on top of the rich food that will surely to be at the party. Just because you have the option to have unlimited cocktails, beer and wine, doesn’t mean you should take advantage of all three. For some reason it’s at the holiday party where many of us think we’re gonna stick it to the man by ordering as many drinks as we can on the company tab, but in the end, you’re only gonna hurt yourself, and maybe the trash can in the corner. Do you really want to be known as Puking Pearl?

Next, try to avoid all of the punches, eggnogs or other sugary drinks. Not only are these beverages that can upset your stomach, but the sugar masks the booze, so before you know it, your feet could leave the ground and you could find yourself lying on the floor. Sugary drinks are incredibly popular at parties, for the exact reason you should avoid them: they get everyone extremely intoxicated. Remember that jungle juice you used to drink in college and the stupid shit you did after consuming it? That’s basically what Eggnog and other holiday punch is, so don’t pour it into your glass.

Holiday parties are a marathon, not a race, so work on your pacing as well. If you start slamming back drinks at the beginning of the night, you’ll be blacked out before you get to see anyone do something truly embarrassing because they never read this article. Hearing about what happened the next day, instead of seeing it with your own eyes, because you blacked out from the whiskey shots you felt the need to take at the beginning of the evening, is no fun, so take it easy. If you’re going with liquor as your beverage of choice, sip it – the same goes for wine and beer.

Finally remember to eat while you’re busy doing all that drinking. Partying on an empty stomach is a terrible idea, as is not drinking enough water, so make sure to do plenty of both. These actions will help keep you sober enough so that you hopefully don’t make any stupid decisions such as making out with that one coworker you know will tell the entire office tomorrow. After that, just make sure you know how you’re safely getting home – you getting behind the wheel of a car after all this partying is the dumbest decision you could make.

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