How to Drink Like You Just Won the $759 Million Powerball

Have you ever wondered how you could drink if you won the Powerball? Well now Mavis Wanczyk has to figure it out — but there are worst things than winning $758 million and changing up your drinking habits. We haven’t won, but it’s nice to imagine what we’d change if we did.

First off, the days of slumming it with Kentucky Deluxe and Pabst Blue Ribbon would be over. Of course the responsible thing to do would be to take care of your bills and outstanding debt. It also might be nice to buy your mom a new car. Even after settling those expenses, you’d still be a millionaire, and that demands drinking like one.

Buy every bottle of Pappy Van Winkle you can find.

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You’ve never been able to afford it, and frankly you’ve likely never even seen a bottle of it before. If possible, try to purchase all of the bottles of Pappy Van Winkle you can.

Buy a winery or two and drink from your own stock.

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Why buy bottles from the wine shop when you can just own your own winery. Growing grapes and making wine is hard manual labor, so you’re going to want to hire some help. You just want to sip on your own stuff, not toil in the vineyard.

Eat a bunch of the world’s most expensive, gold encrusted grilled cheese with Champagne.

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Because your mom’s grilled cheese doesn’t cut it anymore, and a chilled bottle of Veuve pairs excellently with it.

Take shots out of the million-dollar-a-shot bottle of tequila.

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You’re a millionaire now, so forget about the Jose Cuervo Silver. You only drink Anejo now.

Buy all the Champagne bottles in sight.

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Champagne is the essence of luxury. And you’ve just won the Powerball, which qualifies as a special occasion.

Buy all the old wine you can at a wine auction.

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You’re going to have to attend these types of functions now. You’ll rub shoulders with the elite and compete to stock your new wine cellar with some of the rarest, oldest wine in the world.

Skip the bottles and just go straight to buying wine by the barrel.

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You’ve discovered that buying wine by the bottle is terribly inefficient. You can drink straight from the barrel if you want. Totally up to you.